This is not your typical topic of “CHANGE”
I feel stressed. My mind is twisting in waves. I have big decisions to make that will change my life. People will question me and talk about me. What am I to do?
I have to continue my journey. Remember that sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some. I believe the fire has burned out and the fight in me is gone. It is what it is, but it is time for a change.
I didn’t know my mind would change, but I did know that I gave myself a time frame to set out for greatness and I became consumed.
I’ve lost touch with the one huge dream I dreamt of.
To be a MOM.
There was nothing else I ever wanted in life. I just knew I wanted to have kids, so I could show them a great life and what a loving parent is. To spend time with them and teach them greatness, To see every milestone. I’ve been consumed in life with other things and now it is time to change.
I’ve lost touch with my life of mom for almost Two years and my youngest is 5 months old. The majority of her life spent so far hasn’t been with a loving mom.
I have ignored her, been aggravated by her. Depression soaked and drowned by guilt.
I am ashamed.
I need to change, but how? Where do I begin?
So here I sit, at 2am writing to you.
Spilling the thoughts of a tired mom. The ugly truth. Broken hearted and have cried so much that my tears are like a dry cracked desert wasteland. Only occupied by the scarce dry air and tumbleweeds. Do not feel pity.
I asked for this!
ME, I wanted to be a mom!
I’ve birthed 10 children and 8 died!!!
But I did not ask for pain!
But now it is time.
Time for me to pick up the pieces of broken momland. It is time to stand up and make a decision, one that will change how my life is headed, and will it be one that is going to make people talk? Probably so. People will talk, but let just be honest. They will talk anyways, so does it really matter? I need to be a better mom to my kids. To do that, I must better myself. This is a decision I don’t take lightly but it is one I made a year ago and I have to pursue.
So farewell to the old me.
Hello new me.
-The Better Mom-