TRIGGER WARNING: Mention and photos of death.
The loss of a parent leaves you broken. It leaves you feeling lost and even angry at times. Most of the time you are left feeling alone.
It’s been 4 years since my dad left his Earthly body. More often than not I can get through the day without really thinking of him being gone. But the entire portion of the week between the 10th of August and the 15th I am on a roller coaster of emotions. How do I cope? I have no idea.
It has been 4 fucking years!! Half the time I am running from the truth that he isn’t here anymore and chalk not seeing him up to me just being so busy. Then the 10th-15th comes and it hits me…
Facebook reminds me everything that happened that week, everything I posted that week. Everything that replays in my mind like a movie already, I am left with tangible evidence of those worst days of my life. Why do it even look at them is beyond me. Let just throw ourselves back into the deep depression by going through all of the anguish and family drama that happened that week! Let’s be an idiot and relive the pain!
But it’s all I have left.
4 years later, things are just now getting slightly back to normal in the family. The fights and drama ceased and we are on talking terms again. You realize when you get older that you just don’t have the time left to continue the fights. You just have to push through and live and let live. The grudges you hold only hurt you.
So 4 years later I can still remember everything. The Facebook message my mom sent me “Kelly call me, I think your daddy has died on me”, Those phone calls, the drive to mom and dads house, driving to the hospital, and everything the drs said about his massive heart attack, brain damage,and his chances of survival. I miscarried due to the stress. The smell of death as he was taking his last breaths after we cut the machines off. There was silence, and the pain. I literally felt like my entire being left my body when they pronounced him gone.
There are many studies on children when their parents die. They know the effects of parental loss on children, but what have they done on adults? What about us adults? Some of us really can’t cope and children are expected to act out and lash out but is adults just have to “suck it up” and act like a grown up with some sense. Why? Why is it that people think you have any sense when you are going through something so traumatic?
How is it you can be held to a whole different standard?
I’ve lost family, and I have lost friends through my dads death. I mean it is bad enough to lose a parent but it is much worse when you can’t even grieve due to fighting. So 4 years later after the loss of a parent, my own daddy, I have come to realize something.
- Everyone grieves differently, and no one should take anything a grieving person says to heart if they say something out of anger.
2. Those who are grieving should never feel forced to “move on” if they aren’t ready.
3. Grief is like cancer. It makes you sick, breaks your mind and body down, and
sometimes you are left feeling and/or being alone.
Drs expect people to come to them following a loss of a loved one if they felt they needed help.
Sometimes you just don’t even know you need help until it is too late. Sometimes you have already lost everyone and mostly everything.
Even when you are an adult who have lost a parent, you are held accountable for your actions and your feelings don’t matter. You must move on and get on with life, cause that is what is expected of you.
Disclaimer: I am not a Doctor and if you are having thoughts or feelings of suicide please seek professional help. Call 1-800-273-8255
Full disclaimer here
Etsy : cremation jewelry (main photo)